Tuesday, January 13, 2009

The Biggest Loser is...Fine Living Network (FLN)

Fine Living Network
The other night my husband and I were browsing for something to watch after putting the kids to bed. Happily, we came across The Biggest Loser, one of the few shows we'll take the time to sit and watch together. And, ironically enough, we indulged ourselves with a bowl of popcorn, a bit of chocolate, and a soda to share as we watched the "get fit" show. Now, it being Sunday night, we quickly learned that we were watching a rerun on FLN, and, since the show wasn't previously recorded on our DVR, we were “forced” to sit through endless commercials.

As preview after shocking preview of upcoming FLN shows flashed their way across our tube, my husband and I made a resolution never to watch the channel again. The following is a sampling of what supposedly passes for “fine living” today:

Newlywed, nearly dead? (Featuring a gay couple, of course)

Newlywed, nearly dead
“When Patrick, the King of Clean, met laundry guru Geoffrey, it seemed like a match made in heaven. However, it wasn't long before Patrick proclaimed himself King of the Castle and Geoffrey began to take refuge at his computer to avoid conflict. Patrick is frustrated with the endless clothing drying around the house, and Geoffrey feels that no matter what he does, it's not good enough. Luckily, Gary's coming to the rescue, on a mission to put this couple back on the right track.”

Plastic Makes Perfect

Plastic Makes Perfect
“Our mothers always told us that true beauty comes from the inside, but was she right? Now more than ever before, people are going to extreme lengths — implants, liposuction, Botox® — to remain eternally sexy, glamorous and young. But is perfect beauty even achievable?”

Queer Eye

Queer Eye
“They call themselves the Fab Five and they're turning their Queer Eye on straight men who want help getting a girl, a job or just an adult lifestyle. All five are talented and determined to turn these zeros into heroes by refining their appearances, nurturing their personalities and transforming their residences from drab to fab.”

Mixing With the Best

“Join Fine Living Network on a glamorous journey through contemporary cocktail culture in the series, Mixing with the Best. Look behind the scenes at the colorful personalities that run some of the world's best bars, the underground subcultures that visit them, the interior designers that create the ambience and the DJ's that control the sound.

You'll also learn top tips for throwing a great cocktail party and find out what it takes to mix a first class drink, just like the best of them.”

I Want That!

I Want That!
“Get the scoop on products that help you create an inviting space for your family and friends, from the newest in home fixtures and everyday appliances to stuff for kids and pets with Fine Living Network's I Want That!

See how new technologies keep you connected and entertained, while others can improve your house's energy efficiency, saving money and resources. Whether you're actually in the market or just daydreaming, I Want That! is your guide to the unique innovations, high-tech gadgets, and newest design trends that make your home more stylish, fun, and efficient!”

In short, this erroneously-named Fine Living Network brings us a show that normalizes gay “marriage;” one that attempts to explain “our obsession with the pursuit of beauty;” another that glorifies gays for their fashion sense, of all things; another that promotes alcohol, drinking, and bars; and a show that encourages our current “me, me, me, now, now, now” attitude toward procuring wants rather than being satisfied with needs.

Thumbs Down

How about starting a television station called Traditional Living Network and bringing the focus back to some of those good, old-fashioned American values our nation can thrive on: thrift, hard work, humility, service, self-control? Anybody?


Yours in Moral Living,

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Euripides said...

TV itself is a vast wasteland, I don't find very much there to hold my attention at all. Sounds like you were taken for a ride, though.

Pearl said...

Boy were we ever. Lessons learned: never watch FLN, and always watch prerecorded shows. Fast forward is a valuable function these days.

Secular Heretic said...

We don't watch much tv either.

thepomegranateapple said...

"wasteland" a very good word euripides. and one of my favorite poems, for the exact reason that it shows the fragmentation/fall of society.

emissary said...

There's been a lot of talk about TV stations moving over to digital. We haven't bought a converter box, and I'm starting to wonder if we should. Besides a couple of children's shows and the occasional sports game, even flipping through the channels is enough to make me cringe.

Pearl said...


Hm, that's the very reason we have television as well: sports and children's programming. Now, however, I'm starting to rethink that arrangement. It just doesn't seem worth the risk anymore. Having to cover my child's eyes during a perfume commercial is hardly encouraging.

thejournalistachronicle said...

Great post! I've never really watched that channel before so I had no idea!! I thought they were all decorating, cooking and traveling shows. Wow, surprise!!! I think your idea of a traditional living channel is genius! After the movie "Fireproof" grossed $30 million, I think there is clearly a market for more wholesome television and entertainment viewing! I definitely think that boycotting the "trash" is a way to get the message across that we want shows with moral substance. I dream of living in the days when dinner was an event, when people sat around the piano and sang, read poetry and engaged in intellectual conversations with their friends and family.

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